User Tag List

Pagina 1 di 2 12 UltimaUltima
Risultati da 1 a 10 di 14
  1. #1
    Forum Admin
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    23,943
    Mentioned
    872 Post(s)
    Tagged
    21 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    5

    Predefinito Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    secondo me è il sistema più giusto per educare chiunque. Premi-punizioni è evolutivo.

    Malgrado ciò c'è qui un articolo che dice che no, non va bene:
    Rewards, Punishments & Incentives? Not For Me | Grok Nation
    REWARDS, PUNISHMENTS & INCENTIVES? NOT FOR ME

    3 other ways I motivate my children

    I recently read an article about parents trying to provide incentives for their children to do well on standardized tests in England. But I have a feeling this is something going on all over the world. It made me think about all of the rewards and punishments people use to parent children of all ages.
    My ex and I decided to never parent with incentives. At all. No rewards. And also no punishments. So how did we manage to raise children who aren’t spoiled, crazy, reckless disrespectful animals? Well, we did it gently and deliberately, and we relied on other people parenting this way for support and also on communities online and offline that could provide ideas and additional help.
    I know plenty of people will tell me their kid needs threats and rewards, and you know what? Maybe, but maybe not. We all do the parenting we can with the support and education and resources we have. A lot of our thinking that kids “need punishment” is actually culturally-driven, but only anecdotally-substantiated. Every child is different, and there is no one way to raise children, I’m sure of that. I am also certain that there are ways to build up the relationship you have with your child in a lot of ways that don’t involve rewards and incentives and their subsequent flip sides: punishment and threats.
    People ask me a lot, “What about potty training?” when I talk about not using reward and punishment. While I know that a system of reward and punishment works with potty training, my ex and I practiced Elimination Communicationwith both of our sons rather than use diapers and then forcing them to stop (click here for more information on EC).
    In my journey as a parent, I found many ways to motivate my boys to do things that didn’t involve incentives, reward, or punishment.

    1. 1.
      I lighten up. Decide how important something really is. Every child learns manners eventually. Every stage passes. I read Your Four-Year-Old: Wild and Wonderful, and it was incredibly helpful every year in showing me that what I was facing in terms of discipline and pushing boundaries was NORMAL, and that there were constructive ways to get through those phases rather than yelling or threatening or punishing. I know it sounds easy, and it’s actually very hard. But learning about what buttons of yours get pushed is a great way to start to understand why you feel the need to react so strongly when your buttons get pushed. I have a huge “respect” button and if I get a hint that I’m not being respected, it’s like I’m “Anger” from the “Inside Out” movie. I have learned ways to dial that back and not make my issues into my kids’ issues. Yup. It’s hard work but it makes for a lot less yelling and freaking out on my part as a parent. Everyone is happier when we are all operating as our highest possible self. (For more on this, see Ilene Val-Essen’s book Bring Out the Best in Your Child and Your Self. It literally changed my life as a parent.)
    2. 2.
      I dont use threats. Do you like to be threatened? Kids don’t like it either and it’s even scarier and more uncomfortable for them because they are small and helpless. Even when they are making you crazy, they are doing their best to get their needs met. Period. If their needs aren’t met, they tell you in louder and more obnoxious ways. I learned this from Dr. Val-Esen’s book (see above) and from her Quality Parenting workshops and books. I especially don’t make empty threats. Empty threats are ones you don’t ever intend to act on but use to scare your kid into doing or not doing something.For example, how many times have you been at the park and heard a parent shout to their kid, “If you do that one more time we are leaving!” More often than not, the kid does whatever it is a dozen more times and they don’t leave. Here’s the deal: threats you don’t follow up on show kids you don’t mean it. Threats get ignored and you have to keep ratcheting up the ante to get yourself heard; they aren’t listening because you didn’t follow through. I, of course, have let my kids know from time to time that we would leave some event or activity if they continued some behavior, and you know what would happen if they did continue it? We left. It doesn’t matter how loud the tantrum is or how vehemently that small person expresses his dissatisfaction; they know if I say to stop something or we will leave, that I mean it. Problem mostly solved.
    3. 3.
      I dont use punishments. Punishments are a tough thing to imagine not using because we are taught to believe they work, but mostly they instill fear. I don’t want to parent by fear but I know it works for a lot of families. It doesn’t work for me and never will. This means I don’t hit or use time-outs or put anyone in their room. Ever. There are ways to control your temper and understand your child’s needs without punishment or hitting. Recent longitudinal research has shown definitively that hurting children hurts them and makes them prone to believing that hurting others is an option. If you are having problems controlling your anger, there are places to reach out to. (Here is a helpful online suggestion.) Punishments are not the only way to discipline your child. And consequences are absolutely used in our house. When my older son was 3, he threw a ball at me in anger. I said, “If you throw that ball at me again in anger, you will be showing me that you can not be trusted with balls right now and I am going to put the balls away for the rest of the day.” He threw it again. I calmly – not too entirely calmly, if we are being honest – gathered up the balls and put them away on top of the refrigerator. Boy, was he mad. He was mad for a good 5 minutes. Super mad. Then we distracted him and moved on. He got the balls back the next day. He never threw a ball at me again.

    For me, the issue isn’t really incentives. It’s about a system of cooperation we set up with our children. Everything we do should be measured: does this build up the relationship or does it place space between us? Does this make us feel closer or farther apart?
    Everyone gets to do their own thing in parenting, but for our family, this approach works. When my boys are older, I hope they are motivated by their desire to succeed and their desire to achieve, rather than by things they may get. Of course, the rules will shift, but overwhelmingly, “incentives” is just a fancy word for “rewards.” I hope that the most rewarding thing we strive for in our family will always be to continue building our relationships.
    Let’s grok: Did your parents use threats or incentives when you were a child? What choices have you made to help create boundaries and expectations for the children in your lives?
    Resources
    For more information about parenting without threats, punishments, or harsh discipline:


    che ne pensate?

    •   Alt 

      TP Advertising

      advertising

       

  2. #2
    Sospeso/a
    Data Registrazione
    18 Jul 2015
    Località
    Modena
    Messaggi
    32,434
    Mentioned
    396 Post(s)
    Tagged
    4 Thread(s)

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Anche i cani si educano con premi e punizioni


    Inviato dal mio nuovissimo iPhone 6 utilizzando Tapatalk

  3. #3
    Forum Admin
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    23,943
    Mentioned
    872 Post(s)
    Tagged
    21 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    5

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?


  4. #4
    ...
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    24,254
    Mentioned
    96 Post(s)
    Tagged
    3 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    6

    Predefinito Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Citazione Originariamente Scritto da Gianluca Visualizza Messaggio
    Qualcosa in italiano no??

    Io credo che sia un buon metodo. Ma come tutti i metodi educativi deve essere ben tarato e misurato in base a tutto il contesto educativo, sennò si finisce per fare quello di cui parla David.
    Ultima modifica di Cuordy; 12-10-15 alle 19:45
    "Per tutto il pensiero occidentale, ignorare il suo Medioevo significa ignorare se stesso" - Étienne Gilson


    "Se commettiamo ingiustizia, Dio ci lascerà senza musica" - Cassiodoro.

  5. #5
    Buonista
    Data Registrazione
    31 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    53,395
    Mentioned
    677 Post(s)
    Tagged
    8 Thread(s)

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Ma sul serio ci sono genitori che usano il metodo premi-punizioni per educare i bambini al vasino?

    Teniamoci stretti, che c'è vento forte.

    Io sono per la chirurgia etica: bisogna rifarsi il senno.

    {;,;}

  6. #6
    Forum Admin
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    23,943
    Mentioned
    872 Post(s)
    Tagged
    21 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    5

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?


  7. #7
    Forumista senior
    Data Registrazione
    15 Jun 2015
    Località
    Mondo, Lazio, Campania
    Messaggi
    3,591
    Mentioned
    10 Post(s)
    Tagged
    0 Thread(s)

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Secondo me è sbagliato. E' utile di tanto in tanto usare il premio o la punizione, ma senza farlo diventare un metodo. Per me, per la mia personale esperienza con i miei figli, e per quella dei miei figli con i loro figli, l'esempio dei genitori vale molto piu' del premio o della punizione.

  8. #8
    Forum Admin
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    23,943
    Mentioned
    872 Post(s)
    Tagged
    21 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    5

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Citazione Originariamente Scritto da Malandrina Visualizza Messaggio
    Ma sul serio ci sono genitori che usano il metodo premi-punizioni per educare i bambini al vasino?
    questo dove lo hai letto? Me lo devo essere perso

  9. #9
    Forum Admin
    Data Registrazione
    30 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    23,943
    Mentioned
    872 Post(s)
    Tagged
    21 Thread(s)
    Inserzioni Blog
    5

    Predefinito Re: Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Citazione Originariamente Scritto da paolo.rica Visualizza Messaggio
    Secondo me è sbagliato. E' utile di tanto in tanto usare il premio o la punizione, ma senza farlo diventare un metodo. Per me, per la mia personale esperienza con i miei figli, e per quella dei miei figli con i loro figli, l'esempio dei genitori vale molto piu' del premio o della punizione.
    il sistema usato è più involontario o inconscio di quanto si pensi

    basta fare una brutta espressione del viso per dare un imprinting molto forte

  10. #10
    Buonista
    Data Registrazione
    31 Mar 2009
    Messaggi
    53,395
    Mentioned
    677 Post(s)
    Tagged
    8 Thread(s)

    Predefinito Il sistema premi-punizioni funziona sempre?

    Quando dice 'People ask me: what about potty training?' @Gianluca
    Ultima modifica di Cuordy; 12-10-15 alle 19:47

    Teniamoci stretti, che c'è vento forte.

    Io sono per la chirurgia etica: bisogna rifarsi il senno.

    {;,;}

 

 
Pagina 1 di 2 12 UltimaUltima

Discussioni Simili

  1. Risposte: 2
    Ultimo Messaggio: 27-11-14, 18:26
  2. Forse non è ben chiaro come funziona il nostro sistema penale
    Di Eyes Only nel forum Politica Nazionale
    Risposte: 3
    Ultimo Messaggio: 18-10-11, 18:12
  3. Il Sistema Italia: una macchina che non funziona!
    Di ubaldo voli nel forum Politica Nazionale
    Risposte: 2
    Ultimo Messaggio: 06-02-11, 20:21
  4. Ecco come funziona il sistema
    Di oggettivista nel forum Socialismo Libertario
    Risposte: 0
    Ultimo Messaggio: 19-04-09, 18:56
  5. Risposte: 7
    Ultimo Messaggio: 12-03-05, 01:59

Permessi di Scrittura

  • Tu non puoi inviare nuove discussioni
  • Tu non puoi inviare risposte
  • Tu non puoi inviare allegati
  • Tu non puoi modificare i tuoi messaggi
  •  

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226